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Thank you to everyone that supported my poetry and my first book. For every gift, word of encouragement and person that said they could relate.
No more books for a while. Taking a pause to focus on work and life. I will still send out updates via email to subscribers. Much Love
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Thanks!
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"Her love was the hope that fed my soul when nothing
else could reach me" - Jeff Hood
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Kintsugi​
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I’ve learned a lot over this last year about love, about relationships, and about what it truly means to be a good partner. One simple truth I’ve discovered is this. Every person is born with the instinct to love, but becoming a good partner isn’t about your instinct to love, it's about effort and work. It’s about practice and growth.
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​For so long, I believed I was a great partner.
The truth is now I realize I wasn’t that great of partner at all. A good one maybe but far from great.
And no matter how humbling that realization was. It helped me grow so much.​
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Becoming a good partner reminds me of some of the same things needed to become a good parent honestly. You see, everyone knows that we are all basically born with a paternal instinct, it’s biological. But becoming a good parent is much more than that. In fact it is something you learn over time. It’s shaped through mistakes, humility, and the desire to become someone that your children can trust and respect. Being a good partner requires many of the same characteristics. It is this sustained long term commitment to not just another human being but to the evolution of your own self.
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​We all walk into dating searching for “the one,” searching for magic. We all want it and we all deserve it. And sometimes we really do find those rare connections that feel undeniable. And they can honestly feel magical. But building a lasting long term relationship is a marathon, not a miracle or even magic. It’s the daily choice to look at your partner and say, I choose you. Not in spite of the little things that drive you crazy or your own insecurities, but through them.
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It’s the choice to say, I’m not looking for anything or anyone else. I found it. And that I am willing to work through not only our issues as a couple, but your partners issues and your own issues. That your common goal is a healthy and happy relationship with each other. It’s this commitment to your journey together that really pushes you forward.
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And here’s the part I tell people all the time,
the lesson that surprised me the most.
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All relationships fail, but not all end. Read it again. Every single relationship no matter how amazing fails at some point. But they don't all end.
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It’s in the failures, the cracks, the moments where everything feels uncertain, that we learn the most. That’s where we discover what truly matters. That is where we grow. Where we heal. Where you evolve as a couple.
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I think I love my ex more today than I did when we were together, because the failure of that relationship forced me to understand what true love actually is. It taught me what’s worth protecting, what’s worth fighting for, and that you can’t fully love someone until you’ve learned how to love yourself. ​ And most importantly it taught me about my own flaws as a man and made me look at myself in the mirror and fix them.
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The irony is that the aftermath of that breakup made me not only a better partner, but a better man.
My growth just did not come in time to be the partner my ex deserved when we were together no matter how much I wish it had.
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“You never know what you have till it’s gone” is cliche because it’s true.
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But failure in a relationship can sometimes present an opportunity for a sort of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, turning shattered pieces into something even more beautiful than before. To me, that’s what real love is, not the search for perfection, but the courage to rebuild, the grace to grow, and the hope that what’s broken can still become something extraordinary. Maybe I will never get a chance to rebuild that relationship with her or maybe one day I will who knows. But regardless I did get a chance to rebuild myself.
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Forever simple and true
I still love you
Forever simple and true
I still miss you
And about this there is nothing I can do
I still remember every line of your face
Every heartfelt embrace
Every moment and memory in every single place
I still love you is something I will always do
Forever simple and true
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A love letter
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Every morning and every night begins and ends the same, with a glance at her photo beside my bed.
I love her in every way a man can love a woman, and in every way a human can love another soul. There is this tether between her heart and mine, slipping through to my soul, quietly inhabiting every corner of my mind. I think my greatest fear is not that we won’t end up together again, it's that we’ll spend years apart that could have been ours before we do. But even If we never find our way back to each other at least I know what true love feels like.
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She was
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She was more than any one thing
Less or more of anything
And absolutely everything
She was and is
And always will be
The only one that matters to me
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Move on from
People always ask me why don’t I move on? But really what is there to move on from?
I love her. That doesn't change or go away. I think most people when they break up with someone follow a very common path. They try to meet someone else or put the past behind them and not look back. My path was much different; it took me down a hole into a very long and intense journey of self reflection. And over those months of endless therapy and gym sessions, hours upon hours of writing and personal inventory. She was always there in my mind. Never a day went without thinking of her. In many ways she built the man I am today. You realize when you lose someone, what that person actually means to you. And honestly how can you really appreciate something until it is gone. I still keep her photo next to my bed. And write about her everyday. Maybe the reason is because the memory of her makes me want to be a better man. Or maybe I can’t move on. But really what is there to move on from? I love her.
One spark
I often remember a conversation my dad and I had about love. He used to say that real love requires loss.
I never really paid much attention to that until now. Many people have come into my life and many people have left. I have had love and loss and felt both deeply. But nothing ever affected me the way losing her has. When a relationship ends in many ways it's worse than a death. Your future and your present immediately change completely but then you also lose your past in a way. You start to question every choice that led you to this place you stand. You become complete strangers with this person you shared everything with. And even though that person still exists they become a ghost of what was and you begin to lose the hope of what could be. I have realized that all relationships fail at some point but not all end. You learn from failure, you grow from it and you become stronger. And in this sentence is the real recipe for love. Don't give up on each other when there is still a flicker of hope because it only takes one spark to fuel a fire that never ends..
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No light
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We ran as far as the road would take us
The path of what was
The horizon of what could be
A hollow sun shining down on me
An empty sky filling the night
She was the moon
And without her there was no light
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This song
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They say it's not healthy what I do
Holding on to all these memories of you
Pushing my life towards this dream
That might never be seen
Even though I understand
There is no getting back to someone that has moved on
I just cant stop replaying this song
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Should Have
I should have danced with you at that wedding In New York
Hiked more hills with you
Rode more bikes on the beach
Worked harder to get a house
Or at least found one within our reach
I should have kissed you in the rain in Tokyo
Sent you flowers every week
I should have proposed to you on Fuji’s peak
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A letter to me
Don’t give up
This is not the end or the beginning
It is just a season
You have yet to become the person you are supposed to be
You just have to know
That you are more than this shame
There is more than this pain
Believe in you
The way I do
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Huntington Gardens
We walked through gardens so perfectly manicured
Kissed in the hallways as if we knew it would end soon
I still look at those photos of you from that Sunday afternoon
We held each other's hand
And laughed more than anyone else could stand
We still exist those two people that shared that kiss
Just let me cross this abyss
Back to you
Not back to what was
But back to what could be
The true story of you and me
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It only
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I lost a part of my soul that day
But real love doesn’t just fade away
You live in all I feel and do
In every shadow I still see you
Your world moved on this is true
But nothing changed my love for you
Through silent nights and endless days
You’re still the only dream my mind replays
No time no space no fate can steal
The depth of something so real
My heart still knows
That my love doesn’t end it only grows
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A Memory of Us
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A thousand pictures of what we were
A hundred dreams that softly stir
This memory held of you and me
A quiet ache a reverie
I wish for days not lost but still
Your dad your mom the morning chill
You beside me calm and true
And Fuji chasing something new
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Time Heals
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I miss her in ways that words can’t describe
This love that lingers that nothing can hide
It’s not like anything I ever felt before
So deeply anchored forever in my core
How did I get this way
As if part of me is missing every day
They say time heals all wounds but it’s not true because all I still feel is this love for you
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Fire
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Don’t tell me to move on
Or to say goodbye
To something that is real
And can never truly die
I will hold this flame till the end of time
Even if you never again will be mine
Love does not expire
Hope is more powerful than desire
And you will always be the person that set my soul on fire
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"Meesh and Me"
By : Jeff Hood
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Hanoi and then some..
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I remember Hanoi bustling and beautiful
And the sounds of Tokyo that were so soft and serene
That moment she kissed me in Bali that still feels like a dream
A market in Kyoto a meal in Spain
That one very long walk in the Japanese rain
Each and every moment carved into my brain
I am unable to forget and that is exactly what keeps me sane
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Her Smile
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Her beauty was always carried in her smile reflected in her eyes
Soft subtle and wise
The kind of beauty that reminds you of the Hope in the morning sunrise
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Thrasher
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Sundays at Thrasher were always the same
Me and you living next door to the Hollywood fame
Puzzles and memories of foreign places
Kisses in the darkness and those little alien faces
I could live a thousand times and never replace those memories in my mind
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Family
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I didn't fall in love with just you
I fell in love with your family too
And although losing you broke my heart
Losing all of you tore it apart
You never know how much people can mean
Until they are gone and nothing but a dream
Your moms silly laugh
Your dads stories of the past
Your brothers skeptic grin
Each and every one became my friend
I hope one day we can get back to Us
To them
To something new
And I can be back in a room with all of you
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Fuji
How far we traveled just to reach the sun
The top of a mountain I never thought could be done
You held my hand through every street
Looked at me softly when I stumbled on my feet
Fuji became our place where peace was created in a name
And it lives on my body as a reminder of the pain
KTOWN
Outside on the street I could hear the city shuffling its feet
Loud cars and crazy sounds
The never ending soundtrack of Ktown
Hope outside my window
And love inside my room
But I always felt alone
Except when Fuji and I would wait for you to come home
Then your smile and your laugh would fill my heart
And all was well till the next time we were apart ​​​
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Long Noodle
Long noodle long life
Cold dishes and bright lights
Hand pays and chop chop
Saturdays in the mini without the top
Long walks
Short hikes
That one endless ride on those fucking beach bikes
Our life was my favorite song
And it lives on repeat now that your gone
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Meet me there
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I would trade the world to hold your hand one more time
I would give everything up to just make you mine
I cannot let go of what never was
I cannot forget what never will be
The memories of hope are what haunt me
Please come back to the place we began
Meet me on the street lets create a new plan
Where dreams finally come true
And in the end there is only me and you
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Silence
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The most painful part is the silence
The words never said
The messages left on read
Feeling like a stranger to the other part of your soul
It’s more painful than anything
And it forever takes its toll
We spoke everyday for what felt like a lifetime
Now I don’t even know if you will return a message of mine
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The Sun
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You are the sun that wakes the world
A fire that breathes life into my soul
Each glance from you is dawn breaking
Each word a golden ray of warmth
And yet you are the moon as well
Quiet mysterious pulling at my tides
Your beauty isn’t just seen it’s felt
A silver glow that softens the dark
The sun burns fierce the moon soothes slow
But you my love are both
The fire that consumes me
And the calm that saves me
Even if the sun ceased to rise
And the moon faded from the sky
I would still follow your light
For you are my day my night my forever
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Jagged Parts
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I fell in love with the jagged parts of your heart
Not just the beauty though you are a work of art
To love someone for their looks alone is trite
But it’s your spirit that keeps me up at night
It’s the way you walk too fast
Chasing the people in front of you just to pass
The sass and suspicion that flicker and flare
A spark in your gaze that says "Im aware"
The way you handle life’s little demands
A call to Amex, control in your hands
Your voice with the operator calm but commanding
A balance of grace and very much a touch of demanding
I love every part of you sharp and divine
The prickles, the edges even the moments that don't shine
Not just for beauty but for all that is true
A love made up of every single thing about you​​​
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Just say
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Just say Fuji
So I can come home
Just one text just one word
I will drive through the night as soon as its heard
I will come to you no matter how far
Just say Fuji and i will get in the car
Just say Fuji so we can begin again
I miss you, I miss my best friend
How can I breathe without you near
Just say Fuji is all i want to hear
Just one text just one word
Just say Fuji
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Goodbye
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This pain never leaves
It never ends
The fear never fades
It will never subside
I only have this regret
That consumes me about our goodbye
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Traces
Your shadow lingers in the light
A glance a breath the edge of night
This pain has hardened what we knew
Yet every whisper leads to you
So many photos untouched by time a reminder of what is no longer mine
I reach for what I cannot see
The ghost of us still haunting me​​​​​
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Our House
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I stood in the wreckage a house I destroyed
The silence between us an aching void
My mind was a tempest a storm in my head
and I pushed you away when I needed you instead
Your heart bore the burden your tears fell like rain
yet I gave you no shelter just more of my pain
Now I’m rebuilding to be a man I can face
trying to fill this hollowed out space
I see you in dreams a light in the haze
guiding me softly through dark endless days
I don’t seek forgiveness until I am whole
but I carry the hope you can still see my soul
If time mends the pieces of all that we lack
I’ll fight every shadow to win you back​​​​​​
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The Maze Within
A tangled maze where chaos hums
Thoughts collide the silence drums
A weightless dread a heavy stone
A thousand voices yet alone
Through shadows thick a glimmer shows
A thread of hope that softly glows
Though paths may twist and walls may bend
The maze has doors and minds can mend
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Gravity ​
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I knew you once when the world felt whole
When your presence was the gravity
That held everything steady
Even in the wildest storms
Your voice lingered not in echoes
But in the silence that followed
A reminder that some sounds
Never truly fade
You were the rhythm I didn’t realize I was moving to
The light that shaped the shadows around me
And when you pulled away the world remained
But it was quieter smaller less alive
Now, I search for you in every face
In the fleeting moments when the air feels familiar
In the pull of an unseen thread
That insists we are not yet finished
Maybe time will turn back on itself
Or the stars will conspire to realign
And one day I’ll find you again
Not as a stranger
But as a part of me I’ve always known
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Ghost ​
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There is an ache where you once stood
A hollow carved so deep
The weight of it presses my chest
Even in my sleep
I move through days like a ghost
Carrying your absence beside me
Fingers reaching for what isn’t there
Yet still feels so near, so alive
The world is the same
But it’s not it can’t be
Every sunrise feels colder
Every night stretches endlessly
I miss the way your voice
Could pull the edges of the world together
The way your laughter
Turned the mundane into something more
If I could, I’d undo it all
The silence, the distance, the loss
I’d trade every piece of myself
To feel your heartbeat near mine again
For you are not just someone I loved
You are the piece of me I can’t replace
The part that makes me whole
The part that makes me real
Come back please
Even if only for a moment
Even if only in my dreams
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Ceaseless Pain
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I miss you like the moonless sea
A tide lost to eternity
Each breath a wound each thought a cry
As my soul breaks and my heart must die
Your absence cuts a ceaseless pain
A shadowed echo endless rain
What is a heart that cannot beat
A hollow shell at sorrow's feet
I miss you like the earth the rain
Parched and brittle bound by pain
Forever lost in this silent cry
Where my soul breaks and my heart must die​
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Find you again
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We met as stars in a boundless sky
Two wandering souls drawn eye to eye
The world stood still as hearts aligned
A love so deep a bond divine
Through fleeting days and endless nights
We built a world of shared delights
But time grew cruel and love gave way
To broken dreams and skies of gray
Now I walk alone through silent air
Tracing the echoes of you there
Though we are lost I hold the thread
A fragile hope where love once led
Someday our paths may cross anew
Two hearts reborn in a brighter hue
For soul mates part but never stray
I’ll find you again one day
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A Quiet Plea
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If time could yield if fate could pause
I’d rewrite all the broken laws
Undo the moments I let slip by
The silent truths the unanswered why
I offer no grand speech no plea
Only the weight of what could be
This love though fractured still holds tight
A quiet ember in the night
I’d trade my pride my every word
To let the depths of me be heard
No more illusions no disguise
Just the raw truth behind my eyes
If you believe I’ll find the way
To build again what slipped away
No promise perfect only this
A love reborn a chance a wish
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Michelle
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She was what was always missing
I see only forever in her eyes
Hear only hope in her words
The purest form of perfection created from thin air
Like finding magic in a world where there is none anywhere
It was as simple as saying yes to meeting for coffee on a beverly hills street
To having that first kiss after waiting so long to meet
Magic for me is being under your spell
It's a simple a saying the words I love you Michelle
How flawed of a man I once was
Till I found you to show me who i truly could be
And each time you read this I want you to remember how much you mean to me
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